'What happened to you?'

The Irony of Curiosity

If you have landed on this article because you were searching for "What happened to Jennie Berry?", you are part of a very large group of curious people. As a well-known disabled content creator and a member of the Sociability team, Jennie often faces this intense public interest.

But there is a deep irony here: searching for someone's medical "backstory" before seeing them as an individual is exactly the behaviour we're exploring today in this article written by Jennie Berry herself.

'What happened to you?'

As a disabled person, I’m often met with strangers, both in person and online, who ask, "What happened to you?"

The questions range from, "Were you born like this or did you have an accident?" to "Why do you use a wheelchair?" or the dreaded, "What’s wrong with you?" All of which can be super hurtful and leave me feeling like somewhat of a museum exhibit.

The Reality of Being a "Medical Mystery"

As a wheelchair user, being put on the spot while you’re just trying to get on with your day is exhausting. While we can’t say that every disabled person dislikes these questions, it’s vital to understand that for many, it’s a request to relive a difficult or private moment.

Some days, I’m happy to explain if it comes up naturally. Other days, I am simply tired of my medical history being the only thing people want to know about me.

Often, people ask these questions before even saying "hello" or asking my name. I want to be recognised as an individual, not a medical mystery.

Why "What’s wrong with you?" is a Harmful Question

For many who acquired their disability later in life, the answer to "what happened" isn't a simple one.

• It Forces the Reliving of Trauma: For some, the question is a "trigger." Having had an accident in 2017, I spent five intense months in hospital, a dark period I’d rather not be reminded of every time I’m out buying milk.

• It Prioritises the Impairment Over the Person: It frames the disability as a "problem" that needs an explanation before the person can be treated normally.

• It Ignores Variety: Not every disability "happens" via an accident. Many people have genetic or degenerative conditions. Asking "what happened" implies that being disabled is an "event" rather than just a way of existing.
  
  

Voices from the Disabled Community

We asked our Instagram followers how they feel when faced with this problem. Here is what they said:

• "It’s rude - I was in a car crash and it does bring back horrible memories."

• "I feel very uncomfortable and I find it quite confrontational to have this conversation, which then leads to anxiety, not a great combo!"

• "For me, it’s a bit annoying because nothing happened - it’s genetic!"

• "It makes me feel embarrassed, like i’m just a curiosity rather than a person."

• "They see my disability first not me, which is sad."

• "It makes me feel really small and invalid. I’m trying to be me, and they act like I’m different."

• "It makes me feel gross, bothered and belittled. It’s hard to explain, but it’s always a shock then I get upset later on."

• "It makes me feel like I’m the elephant in the room that won’t be treated normally until the nature of my disability is addressed. I’m not to be treated the same as everyone else until this is discussed."

• "I hate this question. Mine was really traumatic. The driver died and I was left paralysed. I hate my story."

• "It makes me feel self-conscious and bothered I guess. Also, I’m just waiting for them to be mean or judgmental."

• "You tell them when asked and they turn into a doctor giving unsolicited and unwanted advice."

  
  

A Perspective from Non-Disabled Peers:

"My brother is now non verbal/brain damaged after and accident and people constantly ask me (as he cant communicate now) or even ask me in front of him ‘what happened to him?’ etc. I can’t even imagine how it must feel for him to hear them ask that question, as its such an awful thing to be asked. We even get this from Nurses! They disregard his feelings even though he is sat next to me. It also hurts my feelings to as his sister to hear it."

"I’m not disabled myself, but it's assumed that something happened, but not every disability comes from an event or similar. It must make it harder for those with genetic/degenerative conditions."

Is it ever okay to ask?

Is it ever okay to ask? From the community voices above, you can see it’s a tricky line that causes a great deal of discomfort. This question can force someone to revisit a dark period in their life, or make them feel awkward simply because nothing "happened", they were just born disabled.

So, before asking, ask yourself: Why do I need to know this? If it’s pure curiosity, it’s probably best kept to yourself.

Instead of focusing on the individual’s medical history, why not opt to ask how you can assist in making the world a more accessible place?

There is a much better conversation to be had about how we can support one another. Ask yourself:

• Is there anything I can be doing at home, at work, or in my local community to support the disabled community?

• How can I help remove the physical or attitudinal barriers in the spaces I frequent?
  
  

How Sociability Shifts the Focus

At Sociability, we use the Social Model of Disability. Our app doesn't ask "what's wrong" with the person; it asks "what's wrong" with the venue. We focus on finding and sharing accessibility information for cafes, bars, and restaurants across the UK.

By focusing on the environment, like door widths and toilet layouts, we help disabled people plan with confidence, so they can enjoy their day without being treated like a medical curiosity.

Download the Sociability App to explore accessible places near you!

We would love to hear your thoughts on this one - so feel free to get in touch on Instagram or LinkedIn